...At first I was enthralled at the brilliance of this web archive, and how it has taken snapshots of every website and everyone's web presence since the late 90's, right? Amazing.

But, as I read through my public journal from my latter teen years, I felt every emotion imaginable. Revisiting every moment like it was yesterday, all of the lust and the pain and the "chasing after the wind" (reference: Ecclesiastes)...

Eventually, after three hours of reading through my past, I wish I wouldn't have explored it at all. I regret almost everything I've done prior to my personal "reformation." I was so angry with myself at the things I did, the people I hurt, and how hopelessly lost I was at the time. For a moment I wished I could go back **so badly** to make things right, to cherish the friends I had before I lost them, and to repair the ugly image I'd created.

Exploring my past made me regress. I felt uneasy. I shared a cigarette in the freezing cold in my tee shirt and snow boots with Trent and actually cried about it all. I don't even smoke those disgusting things. What a weak moment! Trent shared a few words of wisdom with me considering his own past, and then said passively, "I'm glad I never wrote anything down..."

Some things -- well, all things -- are better left in the past. Because you can't change a single thing about it. Theoretically, there is a reason for that.

Then, I think of my life now, and where I'm headed, and the faith by which I choose to live my life... and, the lyrics from a Christian hardcore band's song comes to mind.

Life can be overwhelming.
Wave goodbye to the past. You've got your whole life to lead.

August Burns Red - Composure

"Cheer up, emo kid!"