I'm just a girl with ideas*

Things I Did In 2008

marsadie — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 02:31:14 -0800

Saw the worst local band @ Skully's - Zachary Allen Starkey & co.
Saw the best local band @ The Newport - Sighlo
Flew in a plane for the first time
Visited Los Angeles, California
Met online friends in real life
Experimented with new things
Completed a lease on a studio apartment
Started a new lease on a studio apartment
Got down to a size 2
Got a promotion
Quit my day job to be self-employed
Witnessed my cat give birth to and nurse a litter of kittens

Brain is foggy. Will be adding to this list.

We Are One Tonight, & We're Dreaming Out Loud

marsadie — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 06:39:54 -0800

It's crazy, the way things happen so ironically and harmoniously when you pray about things. Faith can heal, faith can change things, faith can make the unthinkable reality.

We sleep through the day. We're up late like night owls, living on energy drinks and working and thanking God for everything He's given us. What can we do to give back, to show others the love that has been shown to us? Grace is amazing.

It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm going to take a nap for a couple hours, then wake up with Trent so that we can get some things taken care of today. Cya!

There's This Thing Called the Wayback Machine...

marsadie — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:00:47 -0800

...At first I was enthralled at the brilliance of this web archive, and how it has taken snapshots of every website and everyone's web presence since the late 90's, right? Amazing.

But, as I read through my public journal from my latter teen years, I felt every emotion imaginable. Revisiting every moment like it was yesterday, all of the lust and the pain and the "chasing after the wind" (reference: Ecclesiastes)...

Eventually, after three hours of reading through my past, I wish I wouldn't have explored it at all. I regret almost everything I've done prior to my personal "reformation." I was so angry with myself at the things I did, the people I hurt, and how hopelessly lost I was at the time. For a moment I wished I could go back **so badly** to make things right, to cherish the friends I had before I lost them, and to repair the ugly image I'd created.

Exploring my past made me regress. I felt uneasy. I shared a cigarette in the freezing cold in my tee shirt and snow boots with Trent and actually cried about it all. I don't even smoke those disgusting things. What a weak moment! Trent shared a few words of wisdom with me considering his own past, and then said passively, "I'm glad I never wrote anything down..."

Some things -- well, all things -- are better left in the past. Because you can't change a single thing about it. Theoretically, there is a reason for that.

Then, I think of my life now, and where I'm headed, and the faith by which I choose to live my life... and, the lyrics from a Christian hardcore band's song comes to mind.

Life can be overwhelming.
Wave goodbye to the past. You've got your whole life to lead.

August Burns Red - Composure

"Cheer up, emo kid!"

Cause It's a Bittersweet Symphony, This Life...

marsadie — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 01:31:56 -0800

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

The absolute best musical genre of the mid-late 90's was Alternative. I loved this song when I was 10, I love it now, even moreso that I actually understand the lyrics.

Third Eye Blind's Semi-Charmed Life has the same effect; loved it then, even more brilliant now that I understand and have lived the words. How I even sang these words at age 10 I don't know, but this song carried me away, perhaps as a prelude of what would come of my later youth.

The sky it was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it to my nose
And I wish I could get back there
Some place back there...

And then I bumped up
I took the hit that I was given
Then I bumped again
And then I bumped again...

The beach gives a feeling
An earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows...

We tripped
On the urge to feel alive.

She's got her jaws now locked down in a smile
But nothing is all right
All right...

So innocent I was when I first sang those words, so lost I was while living those words years later, and so free I feel looking back, reflecting on times passed that I've survived and have lived to tell about them.

Music makes me most nostalgic.

I Don't Want Your Man, Cause I Got It Like That

marsadie — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:59:38 -0800

"But it ain't even gotta be like that..."

I don't know what it is about my chemistry with girls. I like most girls, I really do, but some get it in their minds that I'm stuck up and that I automatically can't get down with them before they even give me a chance. IDK. Anyway, the other night me & my girl Steph went out to the bar and she brought a friend (who I'd met before) and we met with said girl's boyfriend and some other dudes. I so didn't expect a sausage fest, especially since Trent wasn't with me and one of these grody dudes was trying to hit on me (Guy: You're cute! Me: Thanks... Steph: Um yeah, she's TAKEN.) LOL I love my girls. Anyway I drank a wee bit much (let's see... 12oz of sake, three martinis, & some Japanese beer) and before I knew it, I was toasted. I always underestimate the power of the martini since I have only been drinking them for maybe a year.

All I know is, I go to the bathroom, I come back out, and ol' girl (Steph's friend) has broken the table at which we were sitting because her boyfriend told her that I followed him into the bathroom and came onto him. ROFLMAO. Okay, I went into the bathroom ALONE -- which was later confirmed, admited by dude himself who had actually came in after me (Bento has a unisex bathroom). Dude was a drama queen, and had been staring at me all night and I barely acknowledged him. He treated his girl like crap the entire time & then had the nerve to tell her I was hitting on him. Before I had the chance to defend myself (and likely cause a scene myself), Steph carries me home and I go to bed fuming (poor Trent had to listen to my drunken cursing all night).

I talked to Stephanie today and everything's OK, even with the girl friend (I guess Steph broke down to her that her boyfriend's a d*ck on the way home). But, it makes me not want to chill with some girls, yanno? I guess me & Steph'll fly solo from now on. Maybe. Ridiculousness.

Pictures:

Me & Stephie poo after a couple martinis

Who was this guy? I don't remember but he was the only non-skeev at the table

Me & Lady Hercules (before she broke the table)

I suppose Steph & I really DO have much more fun when we go out alone. Even if we end up in a loft apt downtown drinking top-shelf wine with well-to-do thirty-something's after VIP'ing at Spice Bar for a night. Crazyyyy random times me & this girl have. But I love her.

You'd think he was her boyfriend. We were feelin' good & met these nice guys at a concession stand across from the nightclub. "Can I get a hotdog?" LOL!

Bedtime for moi.